I want off this merry go round, please!! I want this to be not my circus, not my monkeys, PLEASE!

First of all, let me say I know how blessed I am in so many ways.  I have food, shelter, clothing, health insurance and medical care, and a wonderful husband, family and friends.  I’ve had a great career, and will hopefully work again in the near future.

I had another specialist appointment today. I had noticed some mouth lesions, which I thought were canker sores, though they were very far down behind my tongue. Instead of getting better, they seemed to have multiplied and become larger/worse. I saw my regular dentist last week and he referred me to the oral surgeon, perhaps for a biopsy. I saw the oral surgeon today and he agreed that they were probably canker sores. I will be using “Magic Mouthwash”, which contains multiple ingredients including a steroid to promote healing of oral sores.
While I know how blessed I am, I’m still feeling down and sick of all this. Again, I know things could be so very much worse, but I just need a break from this. I just want “off the merry go round”!! PLEASE!
I came home from the dentist, took some medication  and went down for a nap and to relax and listen to my audio book for a few hours.
Of course this doesn’t even include the gastroparesis flare ups which seem to be unpredictable. Sometimes I will eat something “bad for GP” and will not surprisingly, not feel good for the next couple days.  But sometimes I follow most or all of the “GP rules” and STILL feel awful the next day. FRUSTRATING!!! And eating is also such a social part of our society.  Mark and I VERY rarely go out now. Here is an article about gastroparesis:

I just feel like I’m kind of ready to give up.  I am so exhausted and so stressed from all these health issues that I am frustrated, overwhelmed, and discouraged, and I can’t keep up the positive nature. I know this will pass, just a rough week. Thanks for “listening”,  I think I’m ready to go “hide” and listen to my audio book again.

Below are some articles about “Dealing With Chronic Illnesses and Depression” and “Tips for Living With a Chronic Illness”
Depression, disability, and chronic illness form a vicious cycle.Chronic medical conditions can bring on bouts of depression, which, in turn get in the way of successful treatment of the disease. Living with a chronic illness is a challenge, and it’s normal to feel grief and sadness as you come to grips with your condition and its implications.


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